Over a month ago now, I had the completely unexpected chance to capture fall in all its glory in the northwoods of Wisconsin. I was with my husband, friends, and one of my friends’s mother, visiting on her turf at their invitation. On Saturday afternoon, she mentioned we should for a drive to see some of the fall color, and my photo-taking heart about skipped a beat.
As we meandered, our driver constantly admonished me to yell stop if I wanted to him to stop so I could snap some pictures. He reminded me constantly that we were in no hurry and that I could dawdle all that I wanted.
It was the best gift.
You see, I am a people-pleaser. I want everyone around me to be happier than me all the time. No, that’s not really true. Rather, I don’t want to be the source of any person’s discontent. If they are mad, I don’t want them to be mad at me. If they are impatient, it is certainly not going to be because I am taking a long time to do something if I can at all help it (my husband is reading this somewhere and smirking, thinking of all the times I make him late for church while I take too long to get ready. Apparently, he is the exception, but treating our loved ones worse than we do strangers is an entirely different topic for an entirely different blog…).
I don’t like to inconvenience anyone, even if, in turn, I inconvenience myself a lot.
This being the case, I often curb myself from taking the time to document memories like I want. I don’t want to be in someone else’s way. I don’t want to take up their time. Added to the fact that I don’t want to look silly, and I often make myself miss out on the opportunities I have to capture a memory, either on camera or on paper.
There are so many times I think of a phrase and want to scribble it down before I lose it, to gather the feeling of an exchange into prose. I often want to pause, to retrace my steps and snap a photo or two (or ten, let’s be honest) and savor the moment just a little longer, to capture is so that I can savor it more later.
But I don’t.
And then I am sad. Or miffed at myself.
Because those are the moments that give me joy. And I let myself – or make myself – miss out on them, and probably when the other person that I am with doesn’t even mind the disruption.
And so what if that person also walking down the sidewalk that sees me pull a full frame DSLR out of a purse and snap a photo of a tree across the street thinks I’m weird. Why should I care what they think if what I do makes me happy and harms no one?
I’ve been turning this idea over in my head ever since that day where I was given permission to be me and take joy in the moment. Since then, I decided that I am going to take those moments when they come, to keep a notebook and a camera in my purse and to write and to photograph at will.
Because it gives me joy, now and later.
So, I am vowing to be brave like Alicia and become a “Keeper of Frivolous Memories.” I am going to consciously make art out of my life like Shannon is doing. And I am going to write down the words and capture the stories that only I can capture, like Ashley.
After all, this is my story. I’m the only one who can tell it.
What memories do you regret taking the time to capture? Do you ever struggle with your desire to snatch a photo vs. the desire to not be in the way?
is a record of daily life in a circumstance that most of us cannot imagine – but still time existed.
, where a woman learns of her husband’s death – and his second, secret family – as the story unravels. I can only imagine that moment when your world stops: and then every one and everything else just keeps going.