In my February update on The 2015 Book Project, I mentioned that Grace for the Good Girl
This book sat on my shelf for a couple of years. I bought it when it came out in 2011 after finding Emily’s sweet blog, Chatting at the Sky, where she talked about rest and hope and creating space for your soul. I knew this book would be good for me, and I dug in.
And then I retreated. It was more than I could handle at the moment.
I was overwhelmed at the time, job hunting, trying to sell a house, and dealing with life after college, which was completely different than everyone had ever told me it would be. It was a year where I learned more about the world, grew a bit more cynical. I wasn’t ready to deal with the truths in this book, too, even though I needed to hear them. I didn’t have the energy for it. I’ve picked it up a few times since then, always setting it back on the shelf after a few pages. It took me almost six months of letting my soul rest before I was ready to dive in, and in February I finally did.
This book reminded me again that there is freedom in vulnerability. That pulling back and saying “no” was important in order to say “yes” to the right things. That not All. The. Things. are for me to do. And that I am still worthy when I don’t do them all. Emily helps the reader make the distinction between doing and being, and reminds those of us that struggle with being “the good girl” – the one who is responsible and has it all together and follows all the rules – that relationships are more important than accomplishments, that we are not our to-do lists, and that we can accept grace from a God that loves us as we are.
Favorite Quotes:
“I often experienced guilt but didn’t know why. I felt the heavy weight of impossible expectations and had the insatiable desire to explain every mistake. My battle with shame was constant and hovering.” – p. 13
“I believe in the life-giving power of story, in the beauty of vulnerability, and in the strength that is found in weakness.” – p. 14
“The innate desire to be good indeed protected me from a lot of heartache and baggage… But it did not bring me any greater understanding of God. It did not protect me from my own impossible expectations.” – p. 26
“Expectations aren’t inherently bad things, but I think they are misused by good girls.” – p. 32
“As a good girl, it is hard to risk quitting commitments for fear of how it might look to those watching.” – p. 44
“… this gospel of self-sufficiency robs good girls of a life of freedom and victory.” – p. 45
“We value harmony above our own opinions or emotions, and we smile and smooth over rather than risk disappointment or worse, rejection.” – p. 51
And there are so many more in the next 171 pages. Those are just the ones I could get through before feeling like I had too many.
Should you read this book? Did any of those quotes above resonate with you? Then yes, read this book. Do you ever feel like you’ve convinced everyone you never need anything but really you do? Then yes, read this book. If you ever feel like you have to have it all together all the time or people will stop liking you, then yes please go read this book.
I’m still sorting through what the concepts in this book mean for my life right now. It’s been a 27 year mode of operation for me, being a good girl, and it will take some unlearning. I think I’m finally ready to meet my own insecurities head-on, but I’m going to try and give myself grace as I do so. This unlearning is not a checklist, and spiritual growth is not a straight line. I need to remember that – for myself and for others.
Have you read Grace for the Good Girl
If you haven’t read it, do you think you might?