Life + Self

I love talking about personality types. I find it fascinating that all the people in the world are perfectly unique, but also that most of them fit into one of sixteen different categories when it comes to their basic mode of operating within the world.

While I know that all of these types operate on a sliding scale, and that you can be on the fence or really in-between two descriptors that make you a fringe type, most of us do have dominant personality traits that affect the way we interact and react to others. Last week, we chatted introversion & extroversion, Gilmore Girls style. This week, we’re diving a little deeper into personality types overall as well as how learning my own type helped me be more true to my self.

What Are the Different Personality Theories?

I’m going to limit this discussion to two: Meyer’s Briggs and Enneagram.

Meyer’s Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI)

When I talk about personality types, most often I am referring the sixteen types laid out in the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). The website 16 Personalities has a wonderful graphic and excellent descriptions for all of the various ones, as well as a free test to figure out your type if you never have (or if you are like me and love taking them every six months or so to see if anything has changed, or if one test tells you something different. Things never change. I am always an INTJ). The different types indicate how a person typically reacts to the world and how they make decisions.

For example, as an INTJ, I am Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking, and Judging. This means I gain the most energy from solitary activities, and I rely on collecting a lot of data to make my decisions – tending toward gathering too much most of the time. This also means that I am not always extremely warm and demonstrative with my feelings. The INTJ type is often called “The Architect,” “The Mastermind,” or “The Scientist,” depending on which interpretation of the theory you follow. End result: I over-analyze, expect the best from myself and others, and often distance myself from people who aren’t charging ahead at as full of a steam as I am.

Enneagram

There is also a personality theory called the Enneagram, which is based on nine separate types that are more interconnected. The Enneagram focuses not only on how you act during normal circumstances, but also how you react to the world when under significant stress or times of personal growth.

In keeping with the characteristics of my MBTI categorization of INTJ, I am an Enneagram Type 5, also known as ‘The Investigator.” I live inside my head, like to try new ways of doing things to find the best one, and tend toward isolation. No breaking news there.

What’s interesting about the Enneagram theory is that when under stress, I become a 7, “The Enthusiast”: I seek business and become very scattered. I find this to be absolutely, undeniably true. I even declared my Season of Rest this last year because I was being a 7. All. The. Time. It was exhausting. I didn’t like who I was, and I was doing everything less well than I wanted. At the other end of the spectrum, when I am feeling secure, I slip into type 8, “The Challenger.” I become more self-confident and decisive, but also a little arrogant (sorry, friends). This is also undeniably true.

Learning My Personality Has Helped Me Be a Better “Me”

Again – this is also absolutely, undeniably true.

Much like my friend Hannah, who writes about introversion often, I spent most of my childhood and growing-up years feeling like I was somehow “wrong” – I liked being alone with books and art supplies, and was teased about it a good deal. I was “weird” and a “book nerd” and called shy and quiet. Yes, I enjoyed reading more than the average kid (and still do), but most often I needed space to sit and to think away from other people. But I tried to be different. I tried to fit in and to contribute more and to pretend that being labeled “different” didn’t hurt. But when you are 11 and 12 and people in your own family make comments about how strange you are, it’s hard to avoid a few bruised feelings.

As an adult, I’ve continued to try to fit in – to do more activities and go to more social events because I felt like I ought to, like that was what “normal” people did.

Last summer I reached a breaking point. I was working full time and then some, and we had regular activities scheduled at least three nights a week, plus all those others that pop up just when you need a night at home. We were constantly on the road on the weekends, to visit family or to attend weddings. I never had time to recover from an event before I was already moving on to the next one.

I wasn’t enjoying life at all, even though these were all good things. 

We had moved in May and still hadn’t unpacked all of our boxes. Scott and I could not physically remember when we had last gone on an actual date together. We spent all of our “fun” money on rushed meals at a Culver’s or a Subway before hurtling toward the next place we had to be. We were always moving but never moving forward.

And in August, I broke. It had been a long time coming. I needed to slow down. I couldn’t spend enough time alone to recharge. I couldn’t take enough time after things to figure out how I felt, what I thought. I never knew whether things were working or not because I never got to stop and think about them long enough to decide. I wasn’t allowing my introverted, analyzing, thinking self to do anything introverted, analytic, or introspective.

When I realized that, when I slowed down and let me be me, I felt better. I got angry less often. I didn’t hate my life anymore.

Are You Honoring the Real You?

What about you? Do you know you’re personality type? If so, does it help you make decisions so that you enjoy your life more? I’d love to hear other peoples’ experiences.

I’m guessing I’m not the only person who has ever tried to be someone she’s not.