It’s a lesson I learn over and over: life doesn’t have a right answer.
But I still think it should.
I grew up in the school of perfection. It’s taking a long time to undo that education – at 27, I’ve still not graduated remediation, and certainly not with any honors. It’s hard to turn off that be-all, do-all setting.
This year, life asked a lot of questions and none of the answers were simple. There wasn’t a script to turn to, to help decide what was right. So we made it up as we went. Some decisions Scott & I made this year:
- To sell our house at a loss.
- To live in an apartment rather than start building immediately.
- To buy a tractor.
- For me to change jobs – twice.
- To take a step back from ministry for a while.
- For me to quit my only recurring freelance gig.
- To then pay for surgery for a cat.
- To not really celebrate Christmas.
Decision making takes a lot of guts. Certainly it takes a lot of energy. Even if those decisions seem silly (buying a tractor?!?), they take a lot out of you.
Even deciding not to do something is gutsy – will I be missing out? Will I let someone down with my “no”? What if I do?
I’m learning that life is gutsy: the everyday living, the deciding to show up once more, and then again the next day. The choosing between or creating an instead.
Yes, the BIG decisions are also gutsy: moving to a new state, changing majors, walking away from a relationship that’s not working. But I think the decisions we make every day affect us more than we realize: What time do we roll out of bed? Will I spend my evening watching T.V. or writing that book? Will I give enough attention to exercise or drinking water? Will I make time to call my grandmother on her birthday?
This constant choosing is the gutsy part of life. Taking action. Moving forward into the unknown. Every day we make decisions that shape our lives. We are gutsy to continue to make them when the choices aren’t clear or easy.
There was no singular, defining gutsy moment for me this year. But I feel like I made a lot of smaller, still-gusty choices that added up to a whole year of change. I am more disciplined this year than I was last. Instead of meeting setbacks and retreating, I recognized what was hard, altered course, and kept going. And I learned a lot about myself along the way. I think that is the right answer to life’s questions: learn something and keep going.
Did you have a defining “Gutsy” moment this year?
Did you step outside your comfort zone in 2014 to do things you once never thought possible? Have big plans for 2015? Bright, shiny, big goals you want to crush in the New Year? If so, you need to enter Jessica Lawlor’s Second Annual Get Gutsy Essay Contest! Check out her blog for details and get your entry in by January 13, 2015.
My entry from last year: Gutsy with Intent: On Deciding & Doing
Image courtesy of sneugle. on flickr creative commons.
Why is it that we always want to focus on the “big” things when our life is made up of everyday moments? It sounds like you’ve been plenty gutsy this year, even if it was doing the steady work of showing up. Here’s to more everyday gutsyness in 2015!
Agreed! I loved your post today about “just writing” – why do we make it out to be some monumental “first” moment when we really need to just sit down and do it. :) I like how showing up feels, even if there isn’t a big celebration or note on the calendar about it.
Thank you for sharing this. I finished my post the other day and set it to go live on Monday morning. In reading your post, I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s not the big sweeping changes or how we’re blasting everything out on social media these days. Sometimes it’s the small decisions, the internal ones that no one knows, that are the ones that have the most impact over time.
Great post, but what I liked about it the most is the perceptiveness that you have about your year, the self-reflection and the doubt–it all comes together. Thanks again.
Thanks for stopping by to read and comment, Ron! I can’t wait to read your entry on Monday.
I like what you said about internal decisions: sometimes we caught up in thinking that what other people see are the big decisions, but what if the gutsiest move you make is all inside your head? It’s some good food for thought.
Thank you for participating for the second year in a row, Abbigail!
I absolutely love this story because you perfectly described exactly what I want people to think of when they think of getting gutsy. It’s not doing something huge or crazy or earth-shattering. It’s the small things! The everyday things! Just like you said! :)
Thank you for this beautiful read. I can’t wait to further share it with the world!
Thank you so much, Jessica! And thank you for hosting – I love the Get Gutsy essay contest and hope you do it for a few more years.
girl, your list makes my heart pound a little bit, while inspiring me to think about our decision points that feel every day and gutsy all at one time. it’s a challenge to treasure those moments when everything feels so transitional because you’re trying to find solid ground to stand on. :)